Draw the line 2009

Canoe, can you.

2009-01-12T23:06:00.000-08:00

Today we went kayaking!!! So much fun. I have been pestering my husband for months to go but we always get distracted and do something else. Today when we got up, and it was another glorious day, he said" I know what we are doing today.... kayaking" I literally yelled Yippee!!! I was like a little kid...... or a dog when you say they are going for a walk. I have never kayaked before but I figured it would be fun. And it was. We went to the Royal National Park where you can hire a canoe and paddle around the lake. It was so beautiful and calm. Every where in Sydney is so packed at the moment and the thought of going to the beach sends shivers down my spine as I think of all the "beautiful tanned people". In the National park it was just families and even then it wasn't really busy at all, most of the time ours was the only canoe with cooee.

Kayaking is great exercise and I only stopped and let the husband do the hard work for about 10 minutes while I lay back and enjoyed the surroundings. After the park we went on a road trip to Woolongong as we haven't been before. It was so lovely to just get out the city for the day. I love living in a big city but the beauty of Sydney is that everything else is right on your door step. The Northern beaches, the Blue Mountains, the Hunter Valley, the National Park..... Sydney is a truly beautiful place to live. I am loving getting out and enjoying it.

I must also admit, getting out into the fresh air with nature drastically reduces the desire to smoke. I can't even imagine having lit up a cigarette today, it kind of ruins the whole picture. I am definitely making progress and breathing the fresh air also makes you want to enjoy healthy food. Speaking of which I better be off now to cook a very simple dinner of stir fired broccolini, sugar snaps and snow peas with grilled salmon.

Be good!!!
Ally

27 lighters!!!

2009-01-10T18:29:00.000-08:00

Today is a beautiful day. The breeze is so fresh and the sky is perfectly clear. It's not hard to get out and about on a day like today and incidental exercise is quite easy. I went for a walk to my local farmers markets and bought some beautiful organic fruit and veg. As soon as I got home I set out to make myself a delicious sandwich.

Delicious Ham salad sandwich
1 tablespoon ripe Avocado
1 slice lean ham
4 slices heirloom tomatoes
1 cup mixed lettuce
1 slice Weight Watchers cheese
1 teaspoon wholegrain mustard
2 slices Bergen Grainy wholemeal bread.

Food like this is so appetising, it just takes a moment longer to prepare. I realised today that preparing makes the ceremony of eating that much more enjoyable. The research task for myself today should be unconscious eatting, I think this is where my problem lies. The ritual of making something delicious to eat (and even taking a photo) will surely help me on the road to recovery.

On another note I did some spring cleaning today and scrubbed my unit from top to bottom (not hard as unit is only v small one bedder) Feels so great having a clean unit and obviously we all know what they say clean home = clean mind.... or something like that anyway. When I was cleaning up I found... wait for it....27 lighters!!!!!! It may be hard to believe but it is true. So not only was I smoking and wasting money on cigarettes it seems I was also spending my money on lighters. Oops just had a thought that maybe they are all the lighters I have stolen from my friends over the years.... sorry. Well no more hoarding lighters, and no more stealing lighters either. I have kept one lighter in the top drawer near the candles and the others..... well would you like some for your candles???

Day 2.......

2009-01-10T04:01:00.000-08:00

Breakfast
Green Tea
Just right cereal with low fat milk

Lunch
2 tuna nori roll

Snack
2 Multigrain muffins with very small teaspoon of peanut butter and mashed banana

Dinner
Pasta Napolitana (only half cup of cooked pasta) and blanched broccolini

Snack
2 cups green tea

As I was walking today I was trying to work out my key problem areas with food. At least one hurdle I do not have to jump over is that I already enjoy eating healthy foods. Greasy take away foods have never ever been a weakness. I could easily resist a bowl of french fries and not even look twice at deep fried chicken. But food weaknesses I do have are chocolate, sweets and ice cream. I think my biggest problem, since I don't eat large portions and I eat relatively healthy meals, is that I have no will power over treats. I don't feel like I am an emotional eater I just don't have a stopping mechanism when it comes to 'late night treats' you know the kind you have when you watch a movie. Most people can have a few spoons of ice cream and stop, or a couple of pieces of chocolate and put the rest away. Not me. It is as though I have a flat battery in the sensor that should tell me I have had enough. I could eat scoop after scoop of ice cream until there is none left... and if there was some hiding somewhere, I would still eat more. And I honestly don't think it has anything to do with emotions, there are no triggers besides boredom I guess. In fact I am the same with smoking.

If I am in a smoking mood (major trigger is talking on the phone) I will just light one cigarette after another. I could easily chain smoke 5 cigarettes in a half hour whilst chatting on the phone. I may not have anymore for the rest of the day but during that time I will simply not stop. It is as though I am in auto pilot. But I just have to break that habit, I need to adopt some replacement therapy and develop a few healthy habits to substitute the evil ones. First I need to get through the quitting process though. This time around I have decided to use a quitting tool to help me stay focused on not smoking. I have always quit cold turkey in the past and been very successful until I reach the 6 month mark, when I become a little relaxed about my resolve. Then it will only take one night out with my smoking friends and I become nostalgic for my old smoking self. And then before I know it I have bought a packet and the rest is history.

So today I was proactive bought some nicorette gum. I have never used patches or gum before but thought gum might be a good option as I am not only addicted to nicotine but addicted to the habit of 'having' a cigarette. I figure if I can at least do something when I get that craving it will be easier to severe ties with the action of smoking. Well today I had 2 pieces of gum and no cigarettes. The gum is kind of funky tasting, and the tingling sensation is a little weird and it actually made me realise something very curious about myself. As I am chewing the gum I am thinking, wow I bet this is not good for me... maybe I should spit it out. I re-read the instructions about 15 times, and was conscious the whole time that chewing nicotine can't be 'good' for me........ Hello??? I used to inhale smoke into my lungs..... Isn't it strange how brainwashed I have become that I can still be conscious about my health and what I put into my body and yet I have supported a smoking addiction for a decade. Well the smoke haze may finally be clearing.... I feel like this was a bit of a wake up moment and I will remember it next time I reach for a cigarette.

Be good to yourself
Ally

Here I am let the journey begin!

2009-01-08T23:08:00.000-08:00

Hi.....
My name is Ally and I have been in denial about my health. When I look in the mirror the image I see is actually much slimmer and more attractive then the reality. Now it doesn't take a psychologist to tell me that this is not entirely a bad thing. Obviously I do not have self esteem or self worth problems; when I look in the mirror I am not disgusted by what I see. How ever it does not mean that I see what is really there. Every now and then I will see a photo or try on some clothes and think.... "hang on I don't look like that"... or "hey these pants should fit me." Because of my positive self image I have been in denial about my health. I was absolutely shocked to discover that my BMI indicates I am obese, and that my waist measurement also indicates the same. I realise it is finally time to draw the line and address the issue!

I am a very happy person and I have everything I could ever ask for in my life. I am not doing this so that my life will become 'better' I do not expect that when I lose a little weight I will have all the answers. I am not relying on it either!!! I am doing this for my health. Which leads me to the next goal..... ahhhh the smoking monkey.

So I have been smoking for about 10 years. Mostly I would not smoke more then 5-10 cigarettes a day, but when I am out socializing this can easily escalate to 20-25 (argh!!!!!) But I am a loyal smoker (if that makes sense) I actually believe I enjoy smoking and wonder if I will ever not look forward to a cigarette. But I am smart enough to realise that these thoughts are the result of an addiction and years of being brainwashed. So I figure if I am going to maintain my physical health I need to be checking the smoking too. ( I also have the most amazing husband on earth and it breaks his heart that I smoke.... I really don't want to hurt him anymore)

The stats

Weight 80.6
Upper arms 33 cm
Upper thigh 60cm
Waist 98cm
Neck 36 cm (oh my god my aarm is nearly as big as my neck... sigh)
Size 14-16
BMI 30

I hope that you will join me on my journey and hold me to my goals. Hopefully I will discover some tips along the way and I may be able to impart some wisdom upon you...... but lets just one step at a time hey :)

(PS I am in total denial about being a smoker.... after 10 years I still think I am in control.....admitting I am not, and that maybe I actually am addicted is a crazy big step for me)